Limbo

So much for blogging…LOL. Finish one marathon, and then let blogging go to the wind. I feel like I have been so busy that I haven’t had time for anything, but then when I look to see what I am doing… it doesn’t amount to much. It sure hasn’t been putting any effort into working out or losing weight which is quite depressing. I HAVE been training for the Goofy Challenge in January and a weight loss program it is NOT. In fact these back to back long runs may make me start to hate running. Ok, that is an exaggeration, but it DOES make me hate back to back long runs. At this point, I know we will finish and I know this whole thing is going to suck, so I am ready for it to be done. I am ready for it to be here, and get through it, and enjoy my MUCH needed vacation. I am currently in limbo and it is one of the places I most hate to be. I have a plan and a goal that I am very close to completing, and I have my next phase set to go for when I am done, but for now I just have to wait for the time to pass. That “limbo” is the time when I get myself into trouble. Add on top of that it’s the holiday season and I am really struggling. How many times can I say “enough is enough” before it sticks and I follow through? Having been here before, I know that my mind has to be in the right place, and I know that I am not there at this time.  I get frustrated with myself, but then I try not to be too hard at the same time. I mean, its not that I am inactive, its that I am not actively trying to lose weight, which I feel like I should be doing. Since I do feel like I SHOULD be ACTIVELY trying to lose weight, the fact that I am not makes me feel guilty. Feeling guilty equates to eating. If you are blessed with not having to deal with emotional eating, you probably don’t see how that association works. If you are an emotional eater, you know EXACTLY the pit that I am currently (desperately) trying NOT to dig myself into. I picture myself in a giant game of Kerplunk, holding on so tightly to the thin red sticks as they are pulled out one by one, praying that I am not crushed by the falling marbles. That is how this limbo thing feels to me. 

My best plan is to just hold on tight until after Goofy. This training plan has been so challenging in so many ways.... The Goofy Challenge should not be undertaken lightly. I have not slimmed down as I had hoped. I have about a month to make a dent in that goal, but I am just not sure how it is going to play out. Like I said, this has been a major challenge and at the end, when I finish, and I have those 4 medals to show for my efforts, I will know that there is truly nothing I can't do if I set my mind to finishing it. I know what I need to do. I need to reset to the beginning and go into weight loss mode. I saw some pictures of myself from the last couple weeks, and I am not happy. I have let my eating get out of control. I am starting to be uncomfortable and I don't like it.

My bottom half has expanded, and my face is so full... I can see what is happening and I have to stop it now while it is relatively controllable. I know that my running is keeping it from being worse than it is.  I have grown lazy and complacent. I figure, "Hey I ran today, so I can eat this." No, it doesn't work that way. Time to reign it in. Back to Basics. I am getting so tired of saying it. I feel like a broken record, but it what needs to be done, and I believe I have finally reach my point where my brain is in "that" place needed to do some hardcore weight loss again. I am ready. Today is the day. I'm tired of being tired and uncomfortable. I may have only a month, but I am going to make the most of that month! And then I will be able to move past this goal and on to the next!!! No more limbo. Instead, I am going to use this as preparation time to finish what I started and get ready for the next phase.

No more limbo, only preparation and action.

Until next time, Run On and Be Happy.