Kindling?

Spring race season is upon us. Am I ready? Nope. Have I been preparing? Nope. I have been stuck in the biggest rut, funk, hole… whatever you want to call it, and I have done nothing to turn the tides. Do you know what that adds up too? About 50 pounds in weight gain from my lowest in 2011. A lack of drive for, basically, anything. Way too much ice cream. Way too many Girl Scout cookies. No running. No weight training. My pants don’t fit. I cant wear any of my cute dresses. I can barely make it through an hour of Zumba. And I have a Half Marathon in exactly 3 weeks. I haven’t really run since Goofy. I am hoping to get out on the roads this weekend but we are supposed to get a huge snowstorm (Today IS the first day of Spring, right?) So I don’t know if that will happen or not. Its not that I am worried about running the Half. Its my 18^th.  It’s natural now. In fact, it may be what I need to truly kick it back into gear!

In, the mean time, I am frustrated. I am not, however, frustrated enough to actually DO anything about it, which frustrates me even more.

 I am uncomfortable. My clothes don’t fit. I hate that when I look down now, I have a double chin…again. I have been here before. I vowed to myself that I would never go back there. And here I am, well on my way. Maybe not to 300 lbs, but after being 190, 240 feels an awful LOT like 300.  I am doing JUST enough to keep things from getting out of control, but not enough to actually make things move back in the other direction.

I’m getting close though. There are days when I can feel it: That thing I need to happen, to feel deep in my gut, that fire it takes to make true change in your life. Its flickering. It just hasn’t caught hold yet.

 

Anyone got a blow torch?