Monday, July 24, 2017

When it rains..It pours. Today its flooding

I don't know what I hope to gain from doing this.  Or typing this.  Its seems so arbitrary, but if I can find some semblance for peace just from getting all of this out of my head, it will be for the better.

My mom is in the hospital, again.  She is in a coma.  Oh my God, I haven't used that word yet... Her blood calcium levels are too high.  They need to get them lowered, and then she should wake back up.  It could take 2-3 days.  My mom.

We were doing so good.  I am so proud of the advances Matthew and I have made towards paying our debt and getting things back in order.  I was feeling SO GOOD.  Happy for the first time in...I don't even know how long.  Joe is helping me get started on my weight loss again.  And then we get a letter from the bank that we are about to default on our loan.  How did that happen?  I have been making payments. Partial payments don't cut it in the banking world.  I guess I was hoping that something would be better than nothing and they would take that into consideration.  I guess that only takes you so far.

I'm cracking.  I'm losing my grip again.

I was feeling so good.  I feel like this is my fault.  When I feel good, bad things happen to rip me apart again.  

Friday, July 21, 2017


I am failing in my homework. Failing in the manner that I havent been thinking about it.  I think that is very telling.  I don't think about it.  At all.  I don't even think about me.  IN the time since I last posted, I wrote down 3 things.  Thats it. On 2 days.  And that is all the farther I have gotten.  I feel like that will be enough to talk about come Thursday.