Monday, September 24, 2012

So...What now?

I am so behind on blogs it isn’t even funny. I thought I would get caught up on my training blogs before my actual marathon, but that didn’t happen. J Its ok, I think that I will still try to blog about at least the one 22 miler. It was a good run and reflects why I came away from the Marathon with the feelings that I did. Nothing went according to the vision/plan in my head when it came to the Marathon, but it was also more than I could have imagined in some other ways. I am still working on that post so you will have to wait a bit longer. (Was that a tease or what?) For now, this post is about one of the biggest things I brought away from that race: My body isn’t ready.
Now let me explain what I mean. I was trained. I was prepared mentally and physically. (SPOILER ALERT!) I, obviously, finished all 26.2 miles. What I mean is that I am carrying so much extra weight that it was more of a burden on my body than it needed to be. I had visions of losing weight and being lighter and freer, so to say, come marathon day, but that didn’t happen. I have been avoiding the scale for months now because I didn’t want to know what my pants were already telling me. I would rather live in an ignorant state of denial than admit that I have let myself backslide. I stepped on the scale today. No more hiding. No more pretending.  After AFM, its time to acknowledge that, yes, I have gained some of my weight back. I am tired of hiding it. Who am I protecting? Not myself. No matter how much I want to delude myself into thinking that way, I am doing nothing but prolonging the misery. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. It is frustrating as hell that I have to start over, that I have to lose weight that I have already lost, but I also know that the right mindset that has to be in place in order to do it. I have that mindset now.
Its not an easy thing for me to admit. I feel ashamed of myself. Its not something I take lightly, but over the last (not quite) year I have been lazy.  I got to where I wanted to be for my sister’s wedding, and my trip to WDW for SpaceCoast, and then after that…. I got complacent. And my weight kept creeping up and up and up again. . Its not like I didn’t KNOW it was happening, I just didn’t DO anything about and because I didn’t I now have 40 lbs to lose instead of 10 or 20.  It’s ok. It is. Why? Because my mind set is ready to do the work required to lose this weight again. AFM was my wake up call. It could have been so much more than it was… Please know my regrets about this marathon are VASTLY overshadowed by my joys, but it KILLS me that there have to be regrets at all. I had a wonderful, fantastic, uplifting, empowering experience, but I will not pretend that it was perfect. I will address all of that in my official marathon blog because some of those regrets stem factors completely out of my control.  My weight, however, is COMPLETELY with in my control. It is beyond frustrating, but the only way to fix it is to pull my head out of the sand, quit pretending that there isn’t a problem, and take the steps to fix it.
Step One: start listening to my trainer. I am paying her, you would think I would listen. From here on out, as long as I am paying for her advice, I will start taking it.
Step Two: No more half assing my workouts. I work out 6 days a week but MAYBE 2 of those are a true, 100% effort workout. Most of them, I just do and get them done with. Nope, not anymore. Again, I am paying for these workouts, I need to start getting my money’s worth. She gives them to me; I am going to start doing them, for real. Sweat dripping, muscles burning, and fat torching work outs. Everyday they are assigned to me. No excuses. No half assed effort.
Step Three: Food Log. It works. It is the difference between success and desperately trying to keep my head above water.  It is a lot of work and part of being lazy is that I don’t want to spend the time logging all my food. But truth be told, the real application in life, is that it is a real deterrent to eating excess food, because, quite frankly, I don’t want to log it.  This also goes back to my trainer because she has made up a meal plan for me too, but I have only been sort of using it. I will be revisiting it and  taking her suggestions and requirements to heart. I know I have a lot to learn when it comes to the nutrition aspect and its past time to learn.
Step Four: Water. I have fallen off the hydration wagon. All the severe headaches I have had should have been a MAJOR billboard sized sign that I have been dehydrated, but I wasn’t paying attention. No, truthfully, I just ignored it and popped a couple ibuprofen.  Problem "solved." Not any more. I will be drinking my minimum required amount of H2O EVERY day.
I feel like I am starting over. I guess I am. I have 111 days until WDW Marathon weekend where Laurie and I will be going Goofy. I know it’s a big goal, but I know that I am ready to do what it takes to get there. It will be my last big race for awhile and we are going to make it EPIC. Time isn’t a factor in that weekend, but the fun will be off the charts, but I don’t want a bunch of regrets and what ifs when it comes to Goofy. This may end up being my one opportunity to do it, and I will be doing everything I can between now and then to make the most of that experience. And that starts now. Today.
We have a few races between now and then, but for the most part I am done with running for the season. Just a couple HMs left and Race for the Cure. My focus is turned to training for Goofy, and the first major part of that is losing weight. Let the Goofy Training Begin!
Until Next time, Run On and Be Happy!

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